Ice Ice Maybe

Words by Andy Roberts, pictures stolen from the internet from people who also stole them.

I may not have the wit or style of our regular blogger, but at least I can put a few paragraphs together without using vulgar and obscene language like the f-word, t-word, b-word or cunt. This should get me back in Barry's good books.

Last Saturday was not the first time that the hours before the game have been better than the match itself, but the build-up rarely features so many twists and turns. With several club updates, rumours galore, Brad dividing his chips evenly between odds, evens and zero, and even Suzanne getting a bum steer, I was up and down more times than Ted (RIP) on David Wheater’s chest day.

Isn't the point of an early inspection so you can save the travelling team and fans a wasted journey? Isn't a second inspection for when the first is a tight borderline call? So what's the third inspection for? And if the ref then leaves it to the managers, what's the ref for?

In the end it came down to the Boreham Wood players, who apparently were booked in for their Christmas session afterwards. Faced with the heaviest defeat in their history in the bastard cold or an early start on the sauce it was only going to go one way. Maybe Reid and Kitching showed them around their favourite places in Manchester. I hope they wrapped up well.

So on to Mickleover. Hands up, I was imagining Dead Man's Shoes, but it seems like a posh rural place…more midlands 19th hole than Southern Leisure Centre. Given how annoying it is when people imagine that we Oldhamers all live in a coal shed with an outdoor toilet, I guess I owe them an apology. Anyway, I hope their fan has a good day out.

Obviously the one to watch will be their recent signing Leon Clarke, who is nailed on to come back and haunt us. I’m backing him to score despite it being 16 years and 21 changes of club registration since he was repeatedly offside for us. He's cup tied following an appearance for Kettering but former players have scored goals against us in less promising conditions.

I won't be there because I'm representing Arlene at an afternoon tea party (this message is not in code). I'm sure I'll be sparkling company following both our game and Watty Graham's GAC Club Glen’s bid for a second consecutive Ulster title (this is also not in code). Glen are two games away from another weekend in Dublin, which will cost me another mountain of cash and take a further five years off my life.

Best wishes to Frank as he sets out on another epic voyage in aid of Alzheimer’s UK. The wall of Frank-related publicity was overshadowed, alas, by another major event: our latest appearance on Pointless on Tuesday. If you remembered that we made the FA Cup 3rd Round in 2020-21, losing 4-1 away at Bournemouth, you beat both me and all 100 people surveyed.

Keep the motherf****** faith even though we’re playing a farm.