Khan he kick it? Yes he Khan.

“At Stonebridge Road did Otis Khan

A stately pleasure-dome decree…”

God, I wish I hadn’t wasted the Frankie Goes To Hollywood pun when Khan signed, it would have been perfect this week. And the song is well better than the Coleridge poem, which is long, boring, and doesn’t have a banging bass line.

Anyway, yeah, last Saturday’s match. Come on, we had fun, didn’t we?

Ebbsfleet, one of the less salubrious Southern Leisure Centres, were rooted at the bottom of the table before the game last Saturday, and, long journey on a Saturday night or not, it was exactly the kind of game that we have to win if we’ve got any ambitions of getting promoted. The game at the (God spare us) Kuflink Stadium (stadium is pushing it, lads) was televised, and we often do well on the telly. I’d forgotten how much of a novelty watching us with multiple camera angles is. We got to see Ogle laughing at whatever the Ebbsfleet fans were shouting at him, and a close up of that Ebbsfleet player’s crap clip art tiger tattoo.

No disrespect to our opponents, but they were terrible, it was one way traffic, and we should have been out of sight at half time. Conlon had a shot from distance 5 minutes in, that the keeper had to put past his post for a corner, and that pretty much set the tone. Kitching shot just over from 25 yards, Garner headed over the bar shortly after, but for all our domination, we couldn’t make our chances count.

Thankfully, we finally broke the deadlock early in the second half (early enough that I was still in the kitchen and missed it – see, even when I’m at home watching the match on TV, me not watching is a lucky charm, you’re welcome). From the scramble to clear our corner, Khan played the ball from wide back to Conlon, he floated it into the box, and Fondop headed it on for Kitching to head it in from close range. About fucking time as well.

Despite his best efforts, Fondop couldn’t extend his scoring run. He had a great chance, similar to his goal v Forest Green, when he chested it down and hit in on the volley, but he seems to prefer doing that from outside the box, and from 8 yards out he put it wide. His dad’s a civil engineer, surely we can give him a job drilling for water behind the Rocky or something?

Khan had a couple of decent chances, hitting it wide from outside the box 68 minutes in, and a few minutes later he made a good run down the left and the keeper had to palm his shot wide, when he probably should have squared the ball to Norwood. By this point we were all calling for him to be subbed and saying he was clearly blowing out of his arse and he’s barely played for ages, surely we can’t expect him to play the full 90? You did too. Don’t lie.

Given that Ebbsfleet never looked like scoring it was infuriating that we gifted them the opportunity to equalise with just over 10 minutes left, when Kitching wrestled a player to the ground in the penalty area defending a corner. I guess it was written in the stars that Poleon would score, and he certainly wasn’t going to miss from the spot. Of all the frustrating 1-1 draws this season, this would have been an incredibly hard one to stomach.

Thankfully we’re all fucking idiots and Mellon knows more about football – and, very specifically, about Otis Khan’s fitness levels - than we do. With the final whistle looming, Uchegbulam beat the Ebbsfleet defence to run into the box and play it across the goal to Khan, who was perfectly positioned to poke the ball into the net to notch up his first goal on his first start and win the game. Sorry we doubted you, mate.

A frustrating game, a maddening failure to take our chances and put the game to bed, but a very welcome three points, and a late winner away from home is always enjoyable. As much as I hate to give Tranmere fans credit, they did tell us that it wouldn’t be pretty and we’d ‘win ugly’ under Mellon. After years of losing ugly every fucking week, I’ll happily take it.

I’m told there was a game on Tuesday night. I have absolutely no comment to make about that, other than to wish Shaun Hobson a speedy recovery from his fractured foot, and to wish whoever came up with the idea of this shit tinpot competition a very fuck you.

Yesterday we announced the loan signing of another forward, and you can never have too many of them, especially if, of the four strikers you have on your books, three are in their thirties, and one is apparently being paid to post pictures of himself with his top off at the gym on Instagram and do very little else. Welcome to Boundary Park, Kane Drummond. From the hotbed of footballing talent that is Toxteth (you didn’t think I was gonna say Chesterfield there, did you?), Mellon assures us that “He’s blessed with pace and work rate, the fans will love him”. Here’s hoping it’s a successful three months for him, and us.

Off the field, OASF are consulting fans about taking up the place on the club board that, as 3% shareholders, they're entitled to. Having a fan representative at the directors' table would definitely be a good thing, but there are complexities around the role, and there have certainly issues with how it's been carried out in the past. OASF have put together a draft proposal for how the role should work, and they want to know what fans think of it. Read it here and have your say by Sunday October 13th.

Solihull, last season's play off finalists, will be a tougher test than last Saturday, but we should be hoping to make it 5 wins in a row at home against a team in the bottom half of the table. That's just what Oldham do now. They just expect to win football matches. KTMFF.

Written by Arlene Finnigan. Photos © Oldham Athletic.